Overcoming Fear and Self Doubt

When I first started this blog, I really only told a handful of people who I felt the closest to. I posted the link to my blog on my Twitter and Instagram, but I went through phases where I would take it down, then put it up again, then take it down, then put it up again… I think the reason why I was so indecisive about putting my blog out there was because of fear. I was scared that people might think it’s stupid or that people would talk about it without me knowing, thinking that it’s weird, people would be annoyed at my self promo blah blah blah… I pretty much spiralled into the never ending cycle of negative “what ifs”. It was also a challenge because it seemed to me that these days, people are more into watching videos on YouTube than reading reviews on a blog.

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My Foundation Free Week

My skin is something that I have always been pretty self-conscious about. It isn’t terrible, but I think that the years of bad, painful breakouts when I was younger have scarred me into covering it up behind makeup (Don’t get this confused though! I wear makeup because I like it, not because I am insecure about my skin. They just happened to compliment each other!)

As far as my face goes, most of the time I wear foundation, and if I’m not wearing foundation I usually have on a bit of concealer for my dark circles and little spots. This week I really wanted to challenge myself to go foundation free. I’ve been trying to inch out of my comfort zone little by little, and the thought of being in public places without foundation intimidated me.

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A Small Reminder

Do things you love because you love doing them.

I read something once that went something like: Even if no one will read it, write it anyways. Even if no one will hear your voice, sing out loud! Even if no one will watch it, film it anyways.

The basic message: your worth is not determined by how people react to you. Do something because you see value in it and because you love it and because it means something to you.

This is just a relevant message I felt that I needed to post. It’s a reminder that I think many people need to hear right now. (Or maybe this is a sub-post to myself because I need to remind myself of this)

💖, B

Hello again :)

Hi everyone! Long time no post. I thought I would update you all with a few things that have been going on in my life. So much good has come my way, and it constantly reminds me that I am blessed, and also that I am in charge of what happens to me.

1) A big part of the reason why I wanted to start this blog was because I thought it would be so cool to get products sent to me to try. And it happened! Influenster and Bite Beauty sent me two of Bite’s new Lip Pencil to try out for free, as well as samples of their Amuse Bouche lipsticks! This was such a cool moment in my life, I gotta admit. (I’ll do a post on the products soon!)

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Lip pencils in the shades 044 and 020 / Amuse Bouche Lipsticks in the shades Whiskey and Honeycomb

2) Last year, I applied to change programs and was rejected because my GPA wasn’t high enough. Obviously this had damaging effects to my self esteem and made me feel like a failure. But ultimately, I couldn’t blame anyone but myself. So ever since then, I really committed myself to focus on school and try harder than I ever have. Now I’m pleased to say that this time around, I got accepted because my competitive GPA was high. And that is such an amazing feeling.

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Other than that, these past couple of weeks have been proof that I have such amazing people in my life. I feel like I say this all the time, but I am so eternally grateful to have people that constantly pick me up on my bad days, check up on me when they know things have been going rough and also just friends who are always down to hang out when I’m bored. I’ve been blessed with such a supportive circle of people, and for that reason, I don’t think I can take full credit for my successes and high points. I couldn’t have done this without the love and support of all my family and friends! (Seriously though. I can’t emphasize enough how supportive all of you guys are. I might cry.)

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My angel ❤

As many of you have probably noticed, I have been inactive for a couple of weeks now. Long story short, my grandpa passed away at the beginning of February, so it has been a tough time for my family and I. In the weeks leading up to his passing, we were at the hospital pretty much every day, which takes a considerable toll on one’s physical and emotional wellbeing. During this time as well, my anxiety felt like it was at an all time high. Walking into the hospital made me extremely anxious, as well as leaving the hospital because I never knew if that would be the last time I see my grandpa. Even to this day, passing the hospital still makes me feel weird (which is pretty inconvenient since my boyfriend lives right across it). School was a bit tough for me, as this situation was the only thing on my mind, which made it extremely hard to concentrate. It was also pretty hard watching everyone in my family deal with this tragedy.

Personally, I felt like it would be pretty superficial of me to write reviews and posts about beauty and life, when I had other things going on in my personal life that were more of a priority to me. In comparison to the things that have been going on, I really didn’t care about makeup or anything. However, I think that was a mistake on my part. I really do love writing and talking about makeup, so cutting that part out of my life could be a factor that added to my sadness. But at least I know for next time.

So that explains my absence. But with every cloud there is a silver lining! I wanted to save this part for last just because it is kind of a heavy topic. Thanks for reading this far though! And I hope none of you give up on me 🙂 I have potential! And I would love having more people along with me on this journey.

💖, B

 

My Day at Yamnuska Wolfdog Sanctuary

15935998_10154029725600780_645448507_nI did the coolest thing. I went to a wolfdog sanctuary. As you probably guessed by the title of this post. I am completely in love with big dogs, so being able to spend the day with them was so much fun. We got to feed them and pet them and I learned a lot of things about wolves and wolfdogs that I didn’t actually know. First off a wolfdog is any dog with a bit of wolf in them. A high content wolfdog has more wolf in it than dog, and a low content wolfdog is more dog than wolf.

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For example, did you guys know that wolves in the wild are actually very timid and shy? They would rather use their flight response instead of fighting. The media does a bad job of representing wolves because they’re always portrayed as wild, vicious etc. In incidents where a wolfdog has attacked a human, people are always quick to assume that it’s because of the wolf in them, when its actually a dog trait. Wild.

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We also got to observe the behaviour of the alpha male of a pack and how the rest of the wolfdogs act around the alphas. In this picture, Nova (the white one) was waiting for the approval of the alpha Zeus before he took the treats we were throwing at him. Our guide also gave us a rundown of behaviours that only alphas would do which was cool, because it was things you wouldn’t think twice about (for example, only the alpha male pees with his leg up, all the other male wolfdogs pee in a squatting-like position)

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Here’s an action shot of Nova catching a treat in his mouth. We made a great team, but I do admit some of my throws weren’t the best haha.

I love doing things like this. Any opportunity to learn and have fun at the same time is the best. And the fact that it involved these majestic wolfdoggos made the experience so much more worthwhile. I definitely recommend for anyone to come here, or to just visit any kind of animal sanctuary. It’s a very eye opening and fun experience and I would definitely do it again.

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These are low content wolfdogs. They were not shy at all and ate out of my hand and kept want rubs and pets. They’re HUGE.

💖, B

I don’t know about you…

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I recently celebrated my 22nd birthday on January 2. I was blessed to be able to spend the day with many people who are very close to me and I also get to see all my other close friends later on this weekend.

Birthdays have changed in meaning for me over the years. Of course when you’re younger, you’re excited about all the cool presents you receive and being able to celebrate with a big party and good food and whatnot. I feel like now, birthdays are a chance for me to look back on my year and think about what I want to do for this upcoming year (though, don’t get me wrong, I love parties and cake and good food!)

I’ve been reflecting a lot and the main thing that I want to focus on this year is giving back. I have so much time and potential that I can offer to those around me and I want to be able to dedicate myself to helping those who may not be able to help themselves or may need the extra boost of reassurance or confidence or love. I want to become a person that radiates positive energy to everyone in my life .

I also really want to develop myself creatively. At 21, I dabbled into some creative things, this blog being one of the major project I took on as a creative outlet, but I also want to try other things as well. I would like to develop my makeup skills and maybe even learn how to apply makeup well on other people to help make them feel even more beautiful and boost their confidence. I want to improve my writing and become a frequent poster. Like I said, I know I have a lot to offer, and the only way to prove that is to show it in any way I can. I want to give you guys even more quality content that you can genuinely learn from or take something away.

And lastly, I don’t want to hold myself back. In many instances in my life, I can recall not doing things because of this intense fear of failing, or not being good enough, or being judged by people for not doing something right. Now I realize that literally anything can be turned into a lesson. Stepping out of my comfort zone is quite intimidating to me, but I will never grow as a person if I’m always too scared or too shy to do something. A lot of the times, I am the only reason why I am held back from experiences, so I desperately need to work on developing an inner voice that is stronger than my fears.

If you listen to your fears, you will die never knowing what a great person you could have been.

Anyways, happy new year you guys! I hope this year is prosperous and filled with many great times for you. And I hope to see and hear from you all more often. What are some of your new years resolutions or goals?

💖, B

PS. I also forgot to mention that as another creative project, I made a Project 365 Instagram account, where I’ll be posting a picture every day of the year and a little bit about my day or my thoughts for the day. If you want to check it out, my username is @365daysofbrittney. It’s a public account so anyone can follow it!

Halloween / Game Night

I think one of the most important life lessons I’ve learned after leaving high school is that friendships require effort. Which is pretty standard and it’s nothing ground breaking, but I know that when you’re in high school, you see your friends every day at the same times because of the fact that you all go to the same school. After high school, people go to different schools and you have different schedules and commitments. If you don’t take the time to catch up and spend time with your friends, chances are you will end up losing touch. Personally for me, I know that was the case when I was in first and second year. It’s tough. But the whole point of this post is that one way I’ve learned to avoid growing apart is having a set day where you and all your friends can come together and catch up and just spend time together! It seemed kind of sad at first, having to “schedule” time for your friends, but it really does work, and it’s something I genuinely look forward to every month.

My friends and I have game night on the last Friday of every month, and we usually just go to my friend Gerard’s house and play games all night LOL. We used to do this pretty much everyday in the summer, but we all have school now, so that’s obviously not an option. We couldn’t do game night on Friday, so instead we moved it to Halloween night and had it at my pal Ahn’s house instead. Anyways, here are some pics of us having fun. Also just wanted to post some pics of my friends because all of them read my blog regularly hehe.

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The Game Night Crew

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Yes, we really just got into costume to eat, play games and chill. But it was fun!

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Monopoly Deal is the game that really started game night I think. Like before we would only play card games, but this one got so addicting. Anyways, this one is competitive and it gets VERY savage. It’s one of those games that has the potential to ruin friendships LOL. You have to get three full sets of “property” to win the game, but there are also action cards that allow you to steal or trade property which makes the game get REALLY heated and intense.

 

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Pandemic is a really fun (but hard) game. It’s all about teamwork and strategy. The rules are complicated, so I won’t go into them, but the basic idea of this game is that you are a team of specialists (it changes every game because you have to draw cards to find out what your role is) and you have to try to stop different diseases from spreading across the world and killing everyone.

I hope you guys had a safe and fun Halloween weekend! And I also hope you’re all able to make time for the important people in your life 🙂 Make it work in whatever way you can!

💖, B

 

A Nice Little Pick-Me-Up

I am a pretty sentimental person. I have this huuge box filled with random things that hold precious memories to me.  Whenever I’m sad, I pull this box out. I have TONS of letters and cards (that would not fit the pic obviously) that people have written to me over the years and it always makes me feel better to read through all of them. I guess when you feel like the world is against you and like you have no one in your corner, reading the kind words that people you love have taken the time to write to you, reminds you that you are not and will never be alone. Letters and cards are also special because they are one of a kind. The message you receive is always personal and meaningful and it’s just nice to know that someone took time out of their day to sit down and write down heartfelt messages. It’s just a nice feeling knowing that you matter to someone. All your negative thoughts get put on hold for a while.

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Whoever you are, I hope you remember that when you feel down, you are not alone. You have an army of people who want to be there for you and support you and help you get through this tough time. It is completely okay to be sad and upset, but don’t hold it all in. Talk to someone. Spend time with people who truly love and care for you. I also want to remind you to not underestimate the power of being there for yourself. Learning to love and to be there for yourself is one of the greatest strengths you can develop as a person, and it is something that no one can take away from you. If someone has hurt you, remember that their actions do not determine your worth. Do not close your heart off from getting close to others because of one bad experience with someone you trusted. Life goes on and you will be fine and there is nothing wrong with you.

And even if you aren’t going through a tough time, be there for someone who is. Offer kind words or compliments to anyone you come across, because you never really know what someone else is going through. Don’t hold back in letting others know how much they mean to you or how much you care about them. There are already so much negative things going on in this world, it doesn’t hurt to spread love and positivity whenever you can.

💖, B

Little Reminders

A couple days ago, I read about how James Charles, a 17 year old guy, became the first male ambassador for Covergirl. He has a pretty big following, but I’ve never actually heard of him until I stumbled upon the post on my Instagram explore feed. I was creeping some of his pictures and I saw one that was kind of like a before and after picture… The “before” picture was the very first time he ever put on makeup and the “after” picture was him now, exactly one year after he first put makeup on his face. And holy. The transformation was crazy. His skills had improved so much over the course of just one year. And in that one year, he’s gained so much recognition and of course, he became the first “CoverBoy”, which in itself is a huge accomplishment already.

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I guess this just made me think about myself and where I am in life. I don’t aspire to be on his level of fame but I think it’s really inspiring to see just how much someone can improve in such a short amount of time, with the right amounts of dedication and passion. I genuinely love makeup and enjoy talking about it with others and spending an eternity in makeup aisles in drugstores or Sephora. But I realize that even though I am passionate about makeup, I keep myself pretty stagnant, and don’t allow myself to grow and expand my skills. I lack the dedication aspect. For example, I talk about wanting to learn how to apply eyeshadow properly but I don’t take the time to sit down and learn techniques, or learn what colours will look good blended together. Another thing is that I rarely step out of my comfort zone. I do my makeup the same pretty much everyday, with the only source of variety being the colour of my lips. And you can’t really improve yourself if you’re stuck doing the same thing over and over again.

I don’t just want to improve my makeup skills, but I also want to be able to improve myself  as a person. This sounds stupid, but I’ve never really had a hobby or activity that I like to do and that I excel at, so I dedicate myself to being the best person I can be, not only for myself, but for those who are closest to me. I stay passionate about bettering myself because I know that improving myself will in turn help me help others. I want to be able to inspire others, even if it’s just something as simple as being confident or pursuing this blog that I know a few of my friends are always updated with (You know who you are, thanks for making me feel like I’m an interesting person hehe shoutouts)

As cliche as it sounds, nothing is impossible. I believe that you can do anything you want and be anything you want, as long as you put your mind to it and TRULY believe that you can do it. Stay passionate, dedicated, curious and open minded. And I want to thank James Charles (even though he’ll never read this) for igniting a random spark of inspiration in me. Something as simple as an Instagram caption has helped to put things into perspective a tiny bit more. I think your story is amazing and beautiful and I am glad you got this opportunity!!

💖, B

Mid Semester Blues

I swear I always want what I can’t have. A couple months ago, I remember sitting alone in my room and telling myself that I was so over summer because I hadn’t done anything and I was just so bored of staying at home all the time. Now I look back and I’m just shaking my head at myself. Although I knew that would happen. I knew that when I was back in school, I was gonna regret saying that I missed school. I guess it’s just that time in the semester where I just feel so and stuck. I mean technically, it isn’t even the middle of the semester yet, so it feels like I’m tapping out early, but I can already feel myself burning out.

I feel like I’m being pulled in fifty different directions, yet I feel so lost at the same time. A lot of the stress that I’m feeling is due to school, but not just because of midterms and assignments. I don’t know what I’m doing. Another reason why I feel so stressed out is because I feel like I am too hard on myself, but I also let myself off the hook a little too easily. GAH. I don’t know lol. I don’t want to float through life but at the same time, I don’t know what I want to be doing and I don’t know what I’m working toward. And it sucks that everyone around me seems to have their stuff together and looks down on me. It’s discouraging, but at the same time I’m not trying to throw a pity party for myself haha.

So I guess what I need to do is find more effective ways of letting go of stress that I feel, and to learn how to better manage my time. I also need to start being proactive and start taking control of my life (which is something my mom has been constantly telling me almost every day of my life) If you have any suggestion, please let me know LOL at this point I’m open to anything. I really should be studying for my midterms this week, and I have been, but I feel like I needed to give myself a break. Anyways, if you’re in school, I hope you’ve managed to keep your head above water. And if you haven’t just know that you aren’t alone. Don’t lose hope! (And even if you have, just keep repeating it to yourself. Sooner or later, you’ll start to believe it)

💖, B