It’s 2020! And I’m back to let you all know what I’ve been up to.
It’s 2020! And I’m back to let you all know what I’ve been up to.
Hi everyone! CJ and I celebrated our 4th anniversary recently, and I naturally, being the self-reflecting, inquisitive mind that I am, spent a lot of time thinking about our relationship and how we got to where we are today. Being in a relationship with CJ has been one of the most fun, meaningful and eye-opening things that I have experienced in my life. Relationships aren’t perfect, and I’d be lying if I said ours was, but honestly… I really feel like I have the perfect relationship with him.
First and foremost, I think our relationship is so great mainly because of who we are as individuals. We are both confident in ourselves. Which translates to so much when being in a relationship (at least to me). Coming into a relationship being sure of yourself, knowing who you are, knowing what you deserve and knowing that you are a whole person, not a half waiting to be completed by someone else, enables you to love deeply and fully because you don’t need that other person’s love to survive. It’s kind of hard to explain, but it’s like I love myself SOOOO much, and even if CJ happened to stop loving me, I’ll be okay because I love me. The fact that we both understand that about ourselves makes our love so much more meaningful because we know that we are choosing each other every day. We don’t need each other, but we keep fighting for and loving each other because we can and because we want to. We hold each other to high standards, because we know that is what we both deserve. Being confident in ourselves also means being able to drop any walls we hide behind, and we can be completely open and vulnerable with each other without the fear of judgement or criticism. This paragraph is basically just the long way of saying “If you can’t love yoself how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” (can I get an AMEN).
Can I also just say this is the reason why you will NEVER catch us fighting about stupid, immature shit ie: liking another girl/guy’s IG picture. I could go onnnnnn about this topic, but if you’re getting mad at your s/o for liking pictures on social media, that’s not on them, that’s a you problem… Love yourself lol. *end rant*
I think another “secret” to our strong relationship is open and honest communication. CJ and I have the same values and views of the world, but we have VERY different personalities, which naturally leads to some arguments/disagreements. Regardless, I can talk to CJ about anything, no matter how silly, difficult or uncomfortable it might be, and I know that he always listens with open ears. We aren’t mind readers, and the only way for you to be happy is to voice your concerns or compliments to your s/o. Even when we disagree on certain things, we both still feel heard, and are (at the very least) aware of how the other person feels. At the end of the day, we’re a team and we’ve both learned that it’s in our best interest to just listen to each other and try our best to understand. It’s gotten us this far, so I have to conclude that really talking and listening to each other just works.
And to be honest, I think one of my absolute favourite aspects of our relationship is that we genuinely just have so much fun together. I really could not imagine dating someone who isn’t funny (not that I will ever get the chance to because CJV + BMB 4EVER), and CJ makes me laugh every. damn. day. Sharing the same sense of humour and laughing together is my favourite thing ever, and it’s one of the things that initially had me attracted to him four years ago LOL. We could laugh for 10 minutes straight over memes, or the fact that we keep building upon a joke and don’t know when to stop. I love the feeling of us just being in our own world, laughing about our stupid insiders and cracking jokes with each other, no matter the time or place. We really be the crackheads of every group we’re in.
Anyways, I don’t want to sound too preachy because this isn’t meant to be one of those “x # of ways to have the perfect relationship!!!” type of posts. I’ve never really been the type of person who publicizes every part of my relationship, and for the most part, I feel like CJ and I are pretty lowkey. But I just really wanted to write this because I want to give a big shoutout to CJ – my homieloverfriend. My person. He constantly challenges me in every way possible, and always celebrates my wins. He listens to me whine about life, but will quickly bring me back down to earth and call me on my bullshit. He cracks me up like no one else, he lets me be my weird self, he never fails to let me know that I’m loved and appreciated. Y’all, when I tell you this list can go on and onnnnnn… He just gets me. Thank you babe for building this beautiful relationship with me, growing along side me and letting me into your life, allowing me to see a side of you that no one gets to see. I cherish all the countless laughs, insiders, arguments, bad remixes, and memories we have made. Through the ups and the rare downs, there is no one I would rather be on this crazy journey of life with. I love you so much!
If you don’t already, be sure to follow my mans on Instagram and Mixcloud (it’s been a minute since he made his last mix, but maybe an influx of followers will motivate him even more to get back in his grind). I hope you all get to give and receive the kind of love I have for CJ. I swear, it’s life changing and really makes you a better person.
“Tell me about yourself.”
For some reason I have always dreaded being asked this question. Which is stupid, because it’s the one question that every person should have the answer to. 24 years on this earth, and all that ever seems to leave my mouth is “Ummmm, well…. My name is Brittney.”
Who am I? Beyond other people’s ideas of who I am… Beyond the person I show to others… Who am I? I feel like I have hidden behind labels or roles, using them to define who I am (“I am a student”, “I am a woman”, “I’m a Canadian citizen” etc.), maybe to avoid the fact that I haven’t quite figured it out yet. Although, I realize it is silly of me to expect myself to be able to sum up who I am in one sentence.
Anyways, I’ve realized that I really need to take time to discover who I am, and what makes me, me. I’ve always hated making New Years Resolutions, and I always rolled my eyes when people say things like “I hope this year is good to me”, because I know that the deciding factor to whether or not you follow through with your resolutions, or the cause of having a good year is yourself. BUT. I really want to use this year to dive deeper into myself, and find out who I want to be, and become the person I want to become.
One thing I would really like to explore is my Filipino heritage, and learning more about the Philippines, and it’s history. I was born and raised in Canada, English is my first language and I don’t understand much Tagalog. I’m as whitewashed as they come. Most of what I know from the Philippines was passed down from my mom, and even then, most of her stories are about struggle and hardships, and are tainted with bias because of the fact that she doesn’t ever want to go back (DISCLAIMER: I’m not trying to drag my mom, and I don’t mean to take away from her experiences. I know that’s all the memories she has of the Philippines, but she did spend her teen years and the rest of her adult life here, so I never got to learn much about the beauty of the country or the culture from her). I would really like to learn more about the Philippines, and understand my roots better.
And mostly, I just want to learn more about myself. By doing what feels right, acting in the pursuit of self-interest, and being as fearlessly me as possible. A quote that has been resonating through my mind as of late is “It’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission.” I’m going to be unapologetically myself, because it’s what I owe to myself, and I don’t need to ask for permission, or think about others in the process (K, that sounds really intense. Like I’m not trying to be a selfish bitch, but I’m just trying to get at the point that I’m going to stop looking to others for approval or permission to do what I want to do.) (Life is too short to not do what you want to do. Basically.)
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and although this blog is called ALittleBrittOfEverything, I’ve realized that my own self-development and discovery has become way more interesting, fun and easier to write about than MOTD and Review posts. Not to say that I’m going to stop writing about these things, because I’m not, but you will be seeing a lot more personal posts. I’m growing and changing as a person, and my interests reflect that. I really want this to become a tool used for documenting my journey and statistically speaking, my readers are way more interested in personal posts than in beauty related posts. (AKA I see that y’all are nosy, but I’m not judging because I’m putting this all out there, and I’m like that myself 😉 LOL). Even if only one person takes something away from what I write, that’s enough gratification for me.
I want to take this time to thank you all for sticking with me throughout my blogging journey. I genuinely get so flustered when you compliment my posts, or ask about how I’m doing, or just talk about my blog in general. It lets me know that I’m on the right track, and that I will always have people supporting something that I love doing, and that sparks joy in my life (where my fellow KonMari fans at?!) I’ve come far from where I was when I started, and I still have so long to go. Happy New Year everyone!
I’m going to leave this selfie here because why the heck not.
P.S. And for those who still care, Vlogmas Week 4 will be up!!! I don’t know when, but it will!!! mark my words!!!
November 4, 2003.
I walk into my fourth grade classroom and the first thing I notice is a big office desk placed behind all the other standard sized desks. My homeroom teacher isn’t in class yet. Everyone is talking abut how there must be a new student coming to class. I got excited. I, myself, was new to this school this year, so it would be cool and also comforting to not be the “new girl”. Sure enough, my teacher walks in with a girl following behind her. I get even more excited because my school is a predominantly white school, and the girl walking behind my teacher was asian, like me. She was around my height, also wore glasses and looked like someone I could be friends with. My teacher introduces her to the class as Chrissandra, and Chrissandra then takes a seat at the big desk at the back of the room.
Fast forward to lunch. Chrissandra is sitting with a girl that our teacher assigned to be her unofficial guide to our school. My friend and I are sitting together eating our lunch and I kept staring at Chrissandra, with one burning question on my mind. Apparently in my 8 year old mind, I really needed to know the answer to this question, so I went up to her and asked “Are you chinese?” … And that was pretty much the start of our best friendship (BTW, she’s Filipina).
That’s a long ass time. I’ve known Sandra for 65% of my life! Crazy. She’s been in my life longer than she has been out of it. I have been through it all with this girl. Ups and downs, phases, tears, laughs, first jobs, first cars, breakups, makeups, graduations … just growing up in general. And our insiders? Oh my gooodnesssss, all the insiders. (BLUE BUNNY!) Not only is this the longest friendship I have (and will ever have), it really is one of the truest. After experiencing so much with her, I can confidently say she is like a soul mate to me.
I have had the privilege of watching her become the person she is today. She has always been someone I look up to because of her confidence, her independence, her resilience, her toughness and her silliness. In 15 years, we have both changed but in a lot of ways we are still the same. We don’t talk every single day, but we always manage to pick up where we left off. I’m so thankful to have someone who is always so supportive of me, who always cheers me on and isn’t afraid to tell it like it is. Also let’s be real, it feels great when we’re together and it feels like we’re in our own world. I never have to pretend to be someone I’m not around you, and I’m never scared that you’ll judge me.
Anyways. This is just a short and sweet post to say how much I appreciate our friendship. It’s also an excuse for me to look through old photos and post them on here for everyone to see. I don’t know who I’d be or where I’d be if I didn’t have you to help shape me into the person I am now. You already know how I feel about you and our friendship without me having to go too cheesy. I’m so proud of who you are and who you are about to become! Thanks for being my best friend, and also for introducing me to CJ hehe. I love you long time!
PS: check out Sandra’s website here to learn more about her!
My entire life, I had this idea in my head that after getting a degree and making my parents proud, life would just be uphill from there on out. It’s been about four months after walking the stage, and I’ve been feeling pretty confused. However, I’ve been reflecting a lot and I wanted to write my thoughts out. Despite how rambly this might be, it might help someone in my situation not feel alone. And it’s good for me to write down my emotions and thought processes so I can look back and see how much I’ve changed. I’ve wanted to become more personal with my blog, so it felt only right to post this.
As I write this, I’m snacking on mini M&M’s in a bath robe, and I have been scrolling through so many job postings, my eyes are starting to burn. I think back to how I felt graduating and walking that stage, and I compare it to how I feel now. Confused, hopeless, honestly a little bit scared. Now I’m not going to discredit all the hard work I put into graduating because I worked my ass off and finished on such a high note! But a bish is going through some post grad blues right now. Reading through the endless lists of qualifications that I don’t meet has me bummed out. I’m not asking for sympathy, because I know that a big reason why I feel the way I do is because I didn’t take advantage of opportunities. At the same time, I was doing things I didn’t want to do to please others, at the expense of my happiness. But I digress (LOL). I realized this is not what I want to be doing. Like am I stupid for thinking that there has to be more to life than working a 9 – 5, coming home, then doing it all over again for the rest of my life? Why can’t I find a job that I love and am passionate about? Why don’t I know what I’m passionate about???
In an ideal world, I want to wake up every day and know that I’m fulfilling my purpose in life. I want to help people, I want to connect with others and I want to be happy and feel limitless. I want to come home exhausted from a job that doesn’t feel like work. An ideal world doesn’t exist, but who’s to say that I can’t create one for myself? And I want to do it without fear. How many times have you heard people who are older than you say they wish they could go back and do more with their life? Like, no one ever really regrets the things they do. They look back and wish they did more, pursued more, became more! So much of my life thus far has been ruled by fear, and I don’t want to end up like the people who wish they could go back in time and do what they wanted to do, regardless of how crazy it seemed at the time. Fear has kind of ruined my life, but I’ve allowed it to. At least I’m aware of it now.
And it’s not even about a career either. I want to become the type of person that my younger cousins can look up to and admire because I wasn’t afraid to take risks. I want to be someone that radiates so much positive energy that it’s contagious, even to people I don’t know.
Your brain is your most powerful weapon, but it can also be your downfall. It’s time to get focussed, speak your plans into existence and go out and do it! The two main things that have really helped me thus far have been:
If you made it this far, then wow. I hope this made sense in one way or another. I feel like a bunch of people are going to read this and roll their eyes, and that’s fine. Like, I get it. Re-reading over some of this has me sounding like an entitled crybaby. Maybe I am… But I just ask that you have a little compassion and realize that the route you are taking to navigate life is not the one I, personally, can or want to take. I might fail. But I might not. And I’ve made leaps and bounds from where I was 5 years ago, and that’s something I want to celebrate because it means that I’m changing and I have the potential to find what out what I want in life. I think I’ve come to the realization that the only way to get out of this “funk” I’m in, is to do everything the opposite of how I’ve been doing it. It makes me uncomfortable, but I’m also feeling confident. To me, that means I have nowhere else to go, but closer to the person I want to become.
To end off, here’s an uncomfortably close up photo of my face. Kinda awkward, but I’m feeling myself and my eyes say “You got this bish!!!”. Nothing worth having comes easy. I know myself, so I know I’ll figure it all out and find my way eventually. Until then, you’re all invited to accompany me along my journey! If you have any tips, or comments you would like to share, please feel free to reach out in the comments 🙂
I feel like there is a never ending list of things I need to do at any given time, but my mind always feels so cluttered and I get distracted easily, and my mental to-do list just keeps getting longer and longer. After graduation, I remember feeling so liberated because I could finally “do me” for the summer, and live my life the way that I want to and at my own pace. However I’m coming to learn that my transition from the student life to complete freedom (“complete” freedom isn’t exactly true, but this is the closest I’ve come to it in a while) has been a struggle to say the least.
Now that I don’t really have deadlines that are enforced or straightforward laid out goals I am required to meet, I feel like a large part of the structure that I actually once loved is gone. I don’t know how to keep myself motivated or accountable. And that’s another thing. Consistency and accountability are two things I seem to be struggling with a lot lately. Now that I think about it, these things are things I have struggled with my whole life. I’m consistent, but not in the habits and mannerisms I want to be consistent in. I make goals but I don’t hold myself accountable to attaining these goals.
So what’s the whole point of this? I don’t really know. I feel like I just needed to get this down as a reminder to work harder than I ever have. Life doesn’t come with a manual, so I gotta work even harder to pave my own way and make it possible for myself to live my best life. I read this and feel lowkey ashamed because I know that I only have myself to blame and I feel as if I am always writing about the same things, with no results BUT I’ll just take this is another sign from the universe. It’s telling me that I need to be comfortable being outside my comfort zone and that I need to CHANGE.
Things I need to remember (aka paraphrased quotes I’ve taken from some of my favourite Youtubers and books):
But real talk… I realize this is all talk. I keep saying the same things over and over again, and still somehow seem to fall short. I want to be better so I really need to try. I know I’m destined for way more than what I am and where I am in life right now. If you’re struggling like I am, then I wish us the best of luck. And if you aren’t, please tell me your secret!!!
I’m gonna end this post off with a picture of CJ floating peacefully and carefree in a raft down the river, because this is what I need my mental state to look like right now.
P.S. I know these are always so rambly and never make sense and are alway about me being confused, but thanks for sticking with me through this regardless!
I don’t believe in coincidences. To me, coincidences are meaningful signs from the universe. Just ask my boyfriend. I can’t even count how many times something has happened to us (whether we send each other the same meme at the same time, or we bring up something that the other was just thinking about) that has made me look at him with wide eyes exclaiming “OMG WE’RE MEANT TO BE!”
Okay so. Last night, at exactly 11:02 PM (I wanted to remember this moment!), I handed in my very last final exam. Meaning that I am officially done my undergrad degree. Now if I’m going to be blunt with you, I really don’t have any solid plans as to what I’m going to be doing in the next year. Of course I should look for a full time job or I should be thinking about going back to school and I should be starting to look for all these things right now, but if I’m going to be really blunt with you – I haven’t put any effort into it. At least not yet. Now, okay. I feel like most people will be rolling their eyes at me for not being realistic, but some people may also find themselves to be in the same situation as me. I initially felt like I have no experience whatsoever, so my chances of getting the job I want (I don’t even know what that is yet!) are very slim.
Anyways. Tying this back to my first paragraph about signs from the universe… You might recall that I included the book “You Are A Badass” by Jen Sincero in my January Favourites. I used to read it religiously, but when the semester started picking up, it became more difficult for me to set time aside to read. With today being my first day of “freedom”, I figured this would be the perfect time to finally sit down and read! So I picked up the book, sat down, and began reading from where I last left off. And as I continued to read, I kept thinking that there has to be someone following me around and leaving these signs for me to see because it’s scary how accurate this chapter was for my life and my current situations.
This chapter is pretty much about how she felt unqualified to get a cool job involving something she loved doing, but she felt unqualified, so she lied on her resume and ended up with the really cool job. The take-home here isn’t “lie to get your dream job!!”, it’s that saying you aren’t experienced enough is really an excuse to stop you from what you want to do, and you lack determination to do what you need to do to be successful – whatever your version of successful looks like. Rather than putting in large amounts of energy to make up excuses as to why you can’t do something, invest that energy into yourself and your dreams. Actively seek out opportunities and connections that will allow you to do what you are truly passionate about. Passion trumps fear.
It is so easy to say “don’t procrastinate!” I mean we all do it, and I swear I’m the QUEEN of procrastination. But as Jen Sincero puts it “If you’re serious about doing something, you will find a way to do it. If you’re not, you’ll find an excuse. The one thing that has really been stressing me out is the fact that I’m going out into this big, big world with no experience in my field whatsoever. And knowing that I have no experience has made me not even look for a job in my field. And I want to grow my blog, but I’ve always told myself that no one would want to work with me because of my small following. So as you can see, this chapter seems like it was aimed directly at me. I’m taking it as a sign that I must do the things I’ve been wanting to do, regardless of how experienced or knowledgable I feel. I need to stop letting fear and anxiety stop getting the best of me!
Anyways, I wanted to write this post for two reasons:
I hope this wasn’t too ranty. And I hope that you will begin to see more of me soon! Exciting things are coming!
Originally, I didn’t know if this would be appropriate to post on here. But I wanted to briefly talk about it because I was shocked at how much this situation impacted me, and as someone who wants to pursue a career in social/mental health services, I feel as if I have an obligation to talk about it.
Many of you probably already know that at one point in my life, I was obsessed with kpop. While many girls my age were crazy over the Jonas Brothers and whoever else was culturally relevant in 2009, my friends and I were busy fangirling over kpop bands. SHINee was one of the bands that fuelled my obsession. Even though I mostly stopped listening to kpop near the end of high school, the news of Jonghyun’s death had my friends and I (as well as the rest of the world) feeling completely shocked and heartbroken. As more details came out about his death, it made me feel frustrated and angry about the situations surrounding his death, but also deeply sad for the struggles that Jonghyun must have gone through.
It saddens me that depression and mental health still isn’t something that people take seriously. I’m not trying to downplay that though, I realize we are making strides towards ending that stigma, but I personally feel as if we still have a long way to go. Jonghyun had opened up to his doctor about depression and the doctor just told him it was a voice in his head that would go away. No!! Of course, I definitely don’t know Jonghyun personally, but I feel as angry as I would if someone I loved had received the same treatment. It angers me that someone would even think it’s okay to tell someone else that, when they came to you in confidence and trust! It is very sad that Jonghyun’s death was needed as a sort of wake up call to the nation that a person’s mental health is so important and central to everything else in their life.
I am not a trained professional by any means, but it doesn’t take someone with a doctorate degree to reach out to someone who is in trouble. Look for warning signs in your loved ones. Don’t just let them know you are there for them. Actively check up on them if you are concerned with their words or actions. Help them get help. And don’t wait to let the people in your life know how important they are to you. Tell them now. Tell people you love and care for them and that they make a difference in your life, because life is too short to be full of pride.
I just wanted to share something I learned in one of my classes this semester. It is called Mental Health First Aid, and I feel like they are just basic steps that anyone can use to help them approach someone they are concerned about, or the first steps that can help someone who has asked you for help. The steps are remembered by the acronym ALGEE, but they don’t have to be performed in that order.
Please know that you are important and that you matter. The world would not be what it is today if it was not for you. Rest in peace Kim Jonghyun. Thank you for giving me years of happiness, even when you were suffering. You did well.
First and foremost, I know I say this a lot, but I have been busy. At the beginning of the summer, I remember thinking to myself that four months of summer seemed like it would drag on. But I was very wrong. Every month thus far has been filled with so many activities and events and things to do, that I have been spending so much time out in the world and less time at home. Although my blog has had to take a backseat, I have really been loving it! I wanted to come on here and just write, and update you all on some things that I’ve been doing and stuff that has been going on in my life. I think this will also serve as a way for me to look back and appreciate the inevitable and necessary changes that have been going on!
I have been thinking a lot (as I do) this past week. The main question I kept asking myself was “What do you want?” I feel as if I’m in this stage of being stuck in a cycle of back and forth. I will have moments where I feel so inspired and have a rush of motivation to just go out and do stuff, and then there’s moments where I’ll just be sitting doing pretty much nothing, failing to recognize that it doesn’t get me anywhere.
I didn’t really have a post planned for today, but I kind of just wanted to sit and write about some things that have been on my mind lately. I mean this is called alittlebrittofeverything, and it wouldn’t be alittlebrittofeverything, if I constantly write about everything and never keep you updated on the Britt part.
WOW! My blog is already a year old! Can you believe it? I can’t. When I think back to a year ago, I honestly never would have thought ALBOE would be where it is today. I’m not saying that I’m huge and successful by any means, but I never would have imagined that I would be getting constant positive feedback from a lot of people, that I would have people who always keep up to date with my posts and that I would be able to write posts on behalf of other brands!