Here’s the thing… | Life Update (ish)

I feel like there is a never ending list of things I need to do at any given time, but my mind always feels so cluttered and I get distracted easily, and my mental to-do list just keeps getting longer and longer. After graduation, I remember feeling so liberated because I could finally “do me” for the summer, and live my life the way that I want to and at my own pace. However I’m coming to learn that my transition from the student life to complete freedom (“complete” freedom isn’t exactly true, but this is the closest I’ve come to it in a while) has been a struggle to say the least.

Now that I don’t really have deadlines that are enforced or straightforward laid out goals I am required to meet, I feel like a large part of the structure that I actually once loved is gone. I don’t know how to keep myself motivated or accountable. And that’s another thing. Consistency and accountability are two things I seem to be struggling with a lot lately. Now that I think about it, these things are things I have struggled with my whole life. I’m consistent, but not in the habits and mannerisms I want to be consistent in. I make goals but I don’t hold myself accountable to attaining these goals.

So what’s the whole point of this? I don’t really know. I feel like I just needed to get this down as a reminder to work harder than I ever have. Life doesn’t come with a manual, so I gotta work even harder to pave my own way and make it possible for myself to live my best life. I read this and feel lowkey ashamed because I know that I only have myself to blame and I feel as if I am always writing about the same things, with no results BUT I’ll just take this is another sign from the universe. It’s telling me that I need to be comfortable being outside my comfort zone and that I need to CHANGE.

Things I need to remember (aka paraphrased quotes I’ve taken from some of my favourite Youtubers and books):

  • Your mind is a terrible office, so always write things down
  • Not everything is a matter of motivation. I’m never motivated to go to the gym, I just go because I have to. It’s like going to school. I don’t always wanna go but I know I have to
  • Alway create content for yourself first, and others second. If you are creating something that you wouldn’t be interested in consuming, you need to ask yourself why you’re making it in the first place.
  • WHO CARES WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK! At least you have the guts to put yourself out there in the first place. And at the end of the day, that puts you steps ahead of someone looking at what you’re doing an wishing they had the confidence to do the same … Always be proud of yourself!

But real talk… I realize this is all talk. I keep saying the same things over and over again, and still somehow seem to fall short. I want to be better so I really need to try. I know I’m destined for way more than what I am and where I am in life right now. If you’re struggling like I am, then I wish us the best of luck. And if you aren’t, please tell me your secret!!!

I’m gonna end this post off with a picture of CJ floating peacefully and carefree in a raft down the river, because this is what I need my mental state to look like right now.

💖, B

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P.S. I know these are always so rambly and never make sense and are alway about me being confused, but thanks for sticking with me through this regardless!

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