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I have been thinking a lot (as I do) this past week. The main question I kept asking myself was “What do you want?” I feel as if I’m in this stage of being stuck in a cycle of back and forth. I will have moments where I feel so inspired and have a rush of motivation to just go out and do stuff, and then there’s moments where I’ll just be sitting doing pretty much nothing, failing to recognize that it doesn’t get me anywhere.

This past week in particular has made me think about my future even more because my boyfriend, best friend and my older sister have graduated from uni. These are three of the most influential and important people in my life. Seeing them walk the stage filled me with so much pride and happiness! It also made me think about myself a bit. When I compare myself to those three (which you should never do by the way!!), I feel as if I am not working hard enough. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that my end goal is to become a harder worker than them, or to be better and excel more than they do. I recognize that we are all on very different journeys. But I feel as if they have answered that question of “What do I want?” (or at least have a solid plan to help them discover the answer to that question) which brings me back to where I am now.

I feel as if I am passively living, and living vicariously through their successes. I have discovered my passions and somewhat know what I want out of life, but I feel as if I haven’t actively taken steps to push myself further. So in an attempt to help me realize what I want out of life, I’ve identified three main things that I feel will help me get there.

1. I want a new job.

This is number 1 on my list, because I feel like out of every aspect in my life, this is where I have remained the most stagnant. I have been at the same place for more than four years now, and I’m at the point where I don’t feel like I’m growing/excelling, and to be honest, a lot of the time I dread coming into work. I know that I need and deserve more. Also, going back to the whole “embracing change” thing I talked about a while ago, finding and starting a new job will force me to embrace change. But I feel like at this point, I need change. In order to do this, I just need to buckle down and finish my resume already!!

2. I want to learn more.

This is a pretty vague point, considering you never actually stop being a student. I guess what I’m really trying to say is I want to be more conscious about what I consume (not food wise, but we’ll get to that later).  A main focus of mine is to read during the times where I would normally scroll through social media. I’ve decided that I want to read more books on self development and books on the field that I’m interested in pursuing (abnormal psychology). I’ve also decided to include things like beauty blogs and tutorials, because makeup and beauty are still something I really love and always want to learn more about. I still really enjoy solo jam sessions in my car, but I kind of want to start listening to podcasts as well.

3. I want to become stronger.

A couple years ago, or even a couple months ago, you would never catch me saying that I miss going to the gym. But now that I’ve been going, taking breaks of longer than two days makes me feel weak and lazy. The only way for me to get stronger (physically and somewhat mentally), is to just keep going and do my best at the gym. Not only do I want to consistently exercise, but I want to eat better and be healthier. Trust me, I already know this is going to be THE biggest struggle for me, but I will try and do my best. I would also like to try exercise classes, like spin and yoga. They just seem like fun hehe.

P.S. I know I’ve been mentioning the gym A LOT in my past posts, but I feel as if constantly reminding myself to stay disciplined and motivated to actually go, keeps me accountable.

I didn’t make this list very long because I do want to remain realistic with everything. I know it doesn’t seem like much, and it may not seem like they will amount to much, but I personally believe that these three things will pave the way for me to discover what I truly want in life and who I want to become. And I know it will be hard for me to do it completely on my own, so I welcome any advice and help you might have for me 🙂

This also leads me to my next point. For now, I will be dropping my post schedule completely. With so much to do, and so much to think about, planning posts has become like a chore to me, which defeats the whole purpose of me doing this because I enjoy it. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop posting entirely! I’ll just be less consistent. And I’ve started vlogging again, so if you ever miss me, just keep an eye out for the vlogs hehe. Hope yall understand! And thank you for always being so supportive!

To end off, I’m want to share some pictures of the grads. I’m so proud!!!

 

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💖, B

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