I didn’t really have a post planned for today, but I kind of just wanted to sit and write about some things that have been on my mind lately. I mean this is called alittlebrittofeverything, and it wouldn’t be alittlebrittofeverything, if I constantly write about everything and never keep you updated on the Britt part.
I’ve done some reflecting and I’ve realized something. In my pursuit of self-improvement, I have been so caught up in trying to find different things to make me become better. Of course, this isn’t a bad thing, but I realize that I haven’t been giving myself breaks, and when I come up short, I am too hard on myself.
Take my blog for example. I try my best to stick to the post schedule I’ve set up for myself, but it has been challenging to set time aside to post lately. If you read my latest Date Night post, you know that I have been spending a lot of my free time with my loved ones and enjoying this nice weather. I have found that the enthusiasm has died down. I find myself constantly obsessing over my blog stats and feeling discouraged when they aren’t as high. Shame on me though, the entire reason why I started this was for me, and something I do for fun. I never intended it to be solely based on the amount of traffic it gets everyday, but I do find myself being caught up in that. Since March, I’ve gotten 1,000+ views every month and I guess I really, really want to keep it that way, which is probably why I beat myself down whenever I don’t get as much views. Maybe sticking with a schedule makes blogging feel like a chore now, instead of being something I do for fun, especially since my views are down… But I hate that I think this way! Even if no one reads it, I should write it anyways because I really love doing this.
Another example. Working out consistently has been one of the most challenging things I’ve taken on this year. Now I’ve only been working out for about two months, and I’m definitely getting into the hang of things, but on the occasion where I’m having an off day or I’m pushing myself too hard, I’ve been giving up.I always try to match CJ and I never go at my own pace, which always ends up hurting me in the end. I think I try to prove myself, but I end up doing the opposite because I’m taking things on that I just can’t handle – yet.
It has been hard because I get anxiety, and it is almost always triggered by being in situations where I have (or feel like I have) no control over the outcomes. I hate being lost/driving in a new area I’ve never been to, or when I am prepared to do something and someone changes the plans, because I get extremely anxious. I’m not a very spontaneous person because of this. But that’s besides the point. I have been pretty anxious lately because of how I’ve been feeling the past few days, and I know it’s been rubbing off on others. And if you have anxiety, you know that it is the hardest thing to explain to someone who doesn’t have anxiety, because it comes off as you making excuses or complaining. I think I was just stuck in a period of readjustment.
On the bright side though, I have been breaking a lot of PRs. Which, I’m sure in comparison to other people, may not be a lot, but I’m really trying to get into the habit of not comparing and just celebrating my little victories. And besides that, I can feel myself getting stronger. I think it’s a change in attitude as well. Putting my energy into something like working out allows me to challenge and push myself to my limits. Real talk, I never would have imagined that I would be able to do some of the things I can do now, and I’m still beginning! Which just makes me even more excited for the progress I’ll see in another two months, or in the next year. It’s also just a great feeling to know that all the progress I’m seeing is due to my hard work.
While this is mainly something I wanted to do for me… MUAHAHA shout out to all the people who didn’t think I’d last because of all the times I’ve given up. But also thank you, because in a way, you were motivation for me to keep going. And of course, thank you to the people who are still here keeping up with me on my blog.
I guess now, the question is how did I find balance? And the answer is, I’m still struggling to figure that out. Most of the problem lies in my mind. I need to change my mindset, and that isn’t something that just happens over time. But I have been better at catching myself when I put myself down, and I’ve been reminding myself to take it slow if I need to. Push myself to do my best, but also stay humble and recognize when I am doing too much and need to relax.
Anyways, this has been all over the place, but just know that I am doing my best! I actually worked out today and I found myself feeling so good after. Maybe this helped give you insight a tiny bit about things I’ve been going through, and if you’re experiencing something similar, hopefully this makes you feel less alone, or a bit better. I hope you are all doing well. When life gets you down, but I hope you are able to find the strength to pick yourself back up again. I believe in you, you got this!