12:38 AM Update

I feel like I need to write this because I have been so MIA lately and also because I just need to vent. Not in a bad way, I just want to get all these thoughts out of my head!

So life has been crazy (like it always is) but I feel like it has been extra crazy for the past two months. I feel like the things I’ve been experiencing isn’t anything incredibly different from what people my age have probably experienced before, so I guess this is all just a part of growing up and learning. I’ve experienced many ups, but also a lot of downs.

First of all, I am having such a hard time dealing with this cold weather I’ve been experiencing. It’s pretty much been -20 to -30 degree weather for the past week, and will be like this into next week as well. To put things into perspective, where I live right now is colder than most people’s freezers. And yes. That is possible. But that’s also Canada for you. Every time I step outside, I cry inside a little. I miss the summer. I want warmth and daylight back!!

My personal life, in terms of close relationships, has changed. Not drastically, but it’s the type of change that takes longer to get used to. A kind of change where you need to constantly remind yourself that things are no longer the same. I feel like now that I’m getting older, I need to stop wasting time missing people who no longer want to play an active role in my life. Instead of wishing that someone would answer my texts or want to meet up, I need to be grateful for the people who are consistently there for me. I feel as if I’m at a point in my life where I need to learn to stop holding on to people because of history or past memories. (I said “need to learn” because this is honestly something I’m having such a difficult time with).

Another thing I’ve been doing is trying to engage with people more. Not complete strangers yet because the thought of that still kinda gives me anxiety, but I’ve been trying to get to know “acquaintances” in my life better and on a more personal level. Of course, getting to know someone more personally usually means that you have to open up to them to, which is something that made me completely uncomfortable with before, but I’m genuinely trying. I’m learning that being vulnerable is not a bad thing, it’s actually quite beautiful. There is something so special about the moments when you find out new things about new people. There’s a bond being created and strengthened, and you can’t truly get to know someone (and they can’t get to know you) if you aren’t a little bit vulnerable. Plus, you can learn and realize things about yourself that you may not have thought about before! Or at least I have.

Other than that, school has really, really taken up most of my time and energy. Like I said, this is probably something I have in common with many people my age, so I guess it won’t come as a shock to some. My last day of classes this week and my finals are all next week so I my time has been taken up by studying and writing notes and what not. The funny thing is, despite all the stress and chaos that is happening around me, I feel completely content. I guess I just keep telling mysef that all this hardwork will pay off in the end, and so far, with that mindset, I’ve been proving myself right. Obviously, I’m not at “the end” yet, but life has been looking up.

I was recently contacted to become a contributor for a website (I talked about it in my Vlogmas vlog, if you wanna check it out) called MyTrendingStories. This is just so crazy to me because a stranger happened to come across my blog and saw potential in it. I know all the people who have followed me since my first post are rolling their eyes at their screen like “I told you that you would get somewhere!!”, but of course being me, I overanalyze everything and never take the time to actually realize that I am good at what I do. It’s also just crazy because writing has always just been something I do to relieve stress (which is probably why this post is so long haha) and something I’ve done for fun and the fact that more than one person has acknowledged it will always be crazy to me. I don’t think I will ever stop mentioning it because I will always be eternally grateful for the amount of amazing people who always support me and the things I do. It’s nice to know that people genuinely value your opinion.

Anyways, I feel like this is quite long and rambly, but thank you for taking the time to read this far. And if you made it this far, here’s a pic of my cat wearing a hat with elf ears on it to brighten your day and get you in the christmas spirit

2016-12-10 12.33.41 1.jpg

💖, B



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