I swear I always want what I can’t have. A couple months ago, I remember sitting alone in my room and telling myself that I was so over summer because I hadn’t done anything and I was just so bored of staying at home all the time. Now I look back and I’m just shaking my head at myself. Although I knew that would happen. I knew that when I was back in school, I was gonna regret saying that I missed school. I guess it’s just that time in the semester where I just feel so and stuck. I mean technically, it isn’t even the middle of the semester yet, so it feels like I’m tapping out early, but I can already feel myself burning out.

I feel like I’m being pulled in fifty different directions, yet I feel so lost at the same time. A lot of the stress that I’m feeling is due to school, but not just because of midterms and assignments. I don’t know what I’m doing. Another reason why I feel so stressed out is because I feel like I am too hard on myself, but I also let myself off the hook a little too easily. GAH. I don’t know lol. I don’t want to float through life but at the same time, I don’t know what I want to be doing and I don’t know what I’m working toward. And it sucks that everyone around me seems to have their stuff together and looks down on me. It’s discouraging, but at the same time I’m not trying to throw a pity party for myself haha.

So I guess what I need to do is find more effective ways of letting go of stress that I feel, and to learn how to better manage my time. I also need to start being proactive and start taking control of my life (which is something my mom has been constantly telling me almost every day of my life) If you have any suggestion, please let me know LOL at this point I’m open to anything. I really should be studying for my midterms this week, and I have been, but I feel like I needed to give myself a break. Anyways, if you’re in school, I hope you’ve managed to keep your head above water. And if you haven’t just know that you aren’t alone. Don’t lose hope! (And even if you have, just keep repeating it to yourself. Sooner or later, you’ll start to believe it)

💖, B

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