Do you ever notice how quick society is to put down someone who feels any remotely positive feelings about themselves? Or even on a smaller scale.. do you ever notice how people around you get shocked when you openly tell people that you love yourself? This is something I deal with constantly and maybe some of you can relate.
The people who know me personally know that I am pretty open with the fact that I think I’m fucking awesome. I really, truly, genuinely, COMPLETELY love myself. I recognize that I am not perfect, but I still love myself for who I am and I am not ashamed to admit when I need help and I’m not too prideful to admit that I am flawed. I recognize what I am good at and I give myself credit for it. And honestly, you should see the reactions on people’s faces when they find this out about me. People seemed almost… offended. Like self love is a taboo topic or something.
I get it. I know how hard it is to get to a point in your life where you feel comfortable and confident in your own skin. I’ve been there. I’m sure a lot of people know how hard it is, and a lot of people understand how much effort it takes… Which is why I’m so confused. If we all understand how challenging it is to get to that comfortable spot in life, shouldn’t we celebrate those who are on their own path to self love? Shouldn’t we be happy for those who have fought numerous demons and can say that they still love themselves at the end of it? Btw, I’m not trying to put myself on a pedestal here, and I’m not trying to say that I’m better in any way because I love myself. I’m still on this journey to finding out who I am. I am not perfect and I still have to remind myself of that. I’m just saying that I’m tired of being put down by the same people who still have sooo much work to do on themselves. I hate being questioned by the same people who haven’t taken time to introspect and find out who they want to be or what they want to become. And even if they have, it feels as if they’re projecting their insecurities on me and it’s just not fair (although I get it, projecting is a defence mechanism. But still… Ugh.) Think about it. How many times have you called yourself “stupid” or “embarrassing” or talk down on yourself for not doing something right? How often do you call yourself degrading names and put yourself down? A lot of people engage in more negative self talk than positive self talk, and I think that’s why they project it on others.
One time I put “I love myself” in my Instagram bio just cause I wanted a little change, and this guy WOULD NOT stop questioning me about it. He even had the audacity to tell other people that this phrase was in my IG bio and he asked those around him if they thought it was stupid too. The fact that he needed validation from others to “prove” to me that my IG bio was stupid just made me so angry. YEAH. I love myself. Why does it bother you so much? Why do words on a social media platform impact your life THAT MUCH that you need to verbally put me down and feel the need to include other people too?
Even one time, I was having a conversation about quality of friendships and the point was brought up that “People who say they are good friends usually aren’t good friends…” There are times when I haven’t been the greatest friend of course. But in all the friendships I have now, I know that I make an effort to talk to my friends and ask how they’re doing. I try to see them regularly when our schedules match up. And all my friends know that I will ALWAYS listen to them when they really need me. Unless there’s something that they’re all not telling me then yeah. I’m a good friend and I take pride in that. Your personal experiences with bad friendships aren’t universal and not everyone is the same.
And the one that bugs me the most. When people think I’m conceited because I recognize the fact that I find myself attractive. I get where they’re coming from, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with thinking I look good. I put effort into myself because I love the way I feel when I look good. That’s it. I do it for me. And it’s not like I’m putting anyone down in the process, so I don’t understand why it bugs people to the extent that it does. Like have you ever heard someone say something along the lines of “she’s pretty, and she knows she’s pretty, which makes her less pretty” as if a woman being self aware makes her less attractive… In a world where women are constantly scrutinized for not fitting into a certain stereotype, we need to CELEBRATE the fact that there are women out there who feel beautiful in their own skin, regardless of what they look like!!!
This post is kind of all over the place, but what I want you all to know is that you should never apologize for being confident or for loving yourself. You know you. Own your confidence, keep loving yourself and don’t let people tell you otherwise. And rather than fighting back with angry words, kill them with kindness (ugh I’m sorry, I hate that quote, but it seemed fitting). When your character is tested, learn to rise up above that and give love back rather than hostility (which is something I’m still working on tbh) And once again, I don’t want this to come across as nasty or degrading or anything like that. My intention isn’t to make me seem superior than anyone who’s ever questioned me in my life or anyone in general. I just want to raise awareness to the fact that we’ve been so used to putting ourselves down that we project it on others. We’re like crabs (or is it lobsters?) in a tank, who pull others down when they try to rise up and escape the tank (I really hope you guys have heard of that before because if not this may not make sense to you haha) In reality we all just want to be happy with ourselves and like who we are. Instead of putting others down, or questioning how they see themselves, we should all be building each other up. Self love and confidence is something I am SOO passionate about. I love to talk about it with others and I love just increasing people’s awareness about the topic, so hopefully I gave you a teeeny tiny bit of insight. Just some things to think about. Hope you all have a good night!